oh the shallow sea
by General Button
Summary: "You confounded, asinine homo-sapiens!" There was a reason that Edd's beach was the cleanest on the coast, and it had little to do with despicable humans. Kevedd.
1. Chapter 1

Moving this from my tumblr to here. I hope you like mermaid au's, because I do! Nat was stolen from c2ndy2c1d; he's her OC. What a patoot!

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"You confounded, asinine homo-sapiens!"

Edd's screech traveled far and wide, but from where he sat on the outcropping of rocks on the ocean, no one was close enough to hear. It was actually very common for the merman to exhibit this range of bizarre behavior, especially when he noted that a human was littering on his shores. Again!

There was a reason that Edd's beach was the cleanest on the coast, and it had little to do with despicable _humans_.

Huffing with anger, he dove into the water with nary a splash, his tail-fin flicking so he shot through the water with ease. He could breathe with both his gills and his lungs which was very helpful when human unexpected appeared and forced him into the water. The similarities between the merman and the humans were their upper torsos, which made Edd question whatever gods had designed them. He would never understand their strange legs (he understood the mechanics perfectly; however, they looked simply ridiculous).

He swam up to the surface, allowing his gills to close as he inhaled the clean oxygen around him. _Because no one else around here cleans!_ Peering just above the water, he noted that the receptacle worthy trash was just shy of his reach. He could wait for the tide, but this was an opportune moment. Few came to the beach at night, and if he did not hurry, someone might wander into his path.

Resolved, Edd swam to the shallow area, the earlier warmth of the water now cool as night settled in. His elbows sunk into the smooth sand, shells tickling his skin as the tide grew with each passing surge. His skin prickled, both from the cool of the water and his nerves.

It was now or never.

Edd lunged forward, tail propelling him nearly out of the water. The air, even colder now, made him shiver. His tail thrashed in the shallow water unhappily. He was barely submerged now, but only had a few feet to go until he reached the offending piece of trash.

Filthy filthy humans!

Homo-sapiens cared nothing for their environment; not if it had little impact on them. Why, in twenty years when the ozone layer disintegrated and they all had immunosuppression, Edd would be laughing from deep under the tea. At least until the aquatic animals also began to die as well.

He chuckled at his own thoughts. As sardonic and cynical as he was, there were humans doing their best. He only hoped it would be enough. Gleefully Edd considered this, gritting his teeth as he reached for the discarded can. He wriggled his fingers. "Oh, blast. Come to me, human piece of trash." He huffed and hefted himself forward, arms straining as he managed the last few feet.

There. The tide would rescue him when the time came. For now: Edd reached and picked up the item, scowling at its metallic scent and texture. How did humans create such atrocities that killed much marine life? It was despicable. Why were these people incapable of being satisfied with life as it was; what was the need for technology? If they were truly innovative, merpeople colonies would have been found.

Edd exploded with a loud "ha!" at the very thought.

At the same time, a light flashed from 34 feet away.

Panic seized him immediately. _Oh dear oh dear._

Scrambling for the water, Edd dragged his nails into the sand and yanked himself forward. Unluckily for him, his panic caused for a lapse of intelligence; he didn't pay attention to his surroundings and his finger was sliced by the can's sharp edge. Edd squealed as his hand now dripping red.

_I can't go in the water now! What of infection?_

He glanced at the approaching light, swift now, and the sound that tore from his mouth was agonizing. He could not chance it! Hefting himself forward again, Edd flicked his tail heavily in an attempt to help his momentum.

And it was just his luck that the tide quickly withdrew the moment he reach its very edges. "No!" he called in a last ditch attempt, voice ringing in the clear night. The human's light shone on his head and Edd cursed the very day that he decided this was a good idea. Oh why had he not waited for the tide?

"Don't look at me!" he cried, as if it might stop the inevitable. The bouncing light (oh, what was it called again?) stopped at his chest, and then continued its descent until it reached the shimmering scales of his tail. He heard an intake of breath, the crunching of sand as it came closer, and then a deep "What the hell…"

"I'm— I'm—" Oh mer, what was he to do?!

"Are you one of those weird—I mean, uh— those fanatic who wears… mermaid tails?"

Oh the sweet heavens were shining upon him! It was a common imbecile. "Yes!" he yelped. "Mer_man_ thank you." Edd immediately launched into explanation. "I don't usually populate the area here, but I had decided a nightly swim might be, um, fun. As you can see, I miscalculated. Moving these fins with legs is quite difficult."

Mers didn't usually use human language; it was _thrilling_ to talk to another human being.

The human scratched his head, and Edd thought he saw a smattering of dark hair and a chiseled chest. "What are you doing at this time, might I ask?"

"Running with a friend. No crowds after dark." He might have grinned; the light had made Edd's vision in need of adjusting.

"Wonderful! And how was that?" he asked, excited.

"Um, tiring, dude. We're gonna head home soon. Need some help?"

"Oh! Yes, if you'd please. Just grab my fin—er, costume, as it were." He flicked his tail, trying to make it look awkward and gainly. Kevin raised an eyebrow and instead went for his armpits, lifting him pretty easily.

"Jeez, what have you got in there? Your tail sure is heavy drag for plastic. And won't you be cold like that?"

"I—" Edd's mind reeled. "I have a high body temperature. My tail is more than synthetic materials, if you must know. It is handmade." This was the strangest, most amazing conversation Edd had ever had the pleasure in which to partake!

"Oh?" The man brushed his hand over the scales. "It's really smooth. Rad, dude." He sounded impressed but distinctly weirded out.

"Yes, well, thank you for the assistance." The tide had come in. Perfect. "If you will now let me go..."

"Sure you're fine?"

"Yes; perfectly safe," Edd claimed, distracted. The water was calling to him, its sweet siren much like that thing humans like to ingest. Ah, what was it? Chocolate!

His tail flicked with practiced ease and he shot out of Kevin's arms into the water, forgetting completely about his wound—he didn't have time to worry right now when he needed to get away. He darted around an outcropping of rocks and turned towards his home. He was swift like a dolphin, smooth and practiced. Edd sailed through the water, elated to have actually _talked_ to another human being, his previous anger at them completely forgotten.

His head bobbing when he came up and glanced back for one brief moment. The human was standing there, staring out into the ocean. Their eyes met and Edd blinked at the flashlight landed on him. Unexpectedly a grin overtook his face, revealing a gap in Kevin's flashlight. He waved awkwardly and then his back arched as he dove, making little more than a splash.

Kevin blinked, watching for any sign of the man for another five minutes. Three more, and he heard footsteps behind him. "Dude, you were supposed to loop around!" echoed a male voice.

"Kev?" came one for feminine.

"Sorry," Kevin apologized, still staring at the water. "I just saw the weirdest fucking thing."

"Was it a whale?" his male friend grinned. The female snorted.

"Probably his imaginary friend. Let's just go. I'm starving. Who's idea was it to run in the middle of the night anyway?"

"It was yours, doofus. Hey, let's race to the lighthouse!"

"Oh Nazz, you have _so_ much to learn. I never lose a race."

"Oh yeah, Nat? I'll beat your ass any day. Kevin, back me up."

Kevin shot off in lieu of answer, putting the strange meeting in the back of his mind and focusing on the present.

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Comments? Questions? Concerns? Review, slave.


	2. Chapter 2

Something under the surface shot forward smoothly, a dark spot under the sea.

Water rippled.

A head peered up from underneath the water and slender hands were placed on a jagged outcropping of rocks, avoided by sailors and swimmers alike.

Edd had long taken this outcropping as his own to peer and observe surface dwellers. He was never to be found in his cave, which often annoyed the other mers who went to visit him on occasion—though most of them visited merely for the purpose of finding books. Humans were fascinating creatures to most mers, if they were not entirely disgusted by them, and their culture was always an enjoyable subject of study.

English in both language and writing was taught to mer people (what else would they do with their time? And looking out for human signs of danger was a needed skill), but most of them did not retain the skill if they did not practice. Edd had an extensive collection that he had found on a ship, long-crashed, that had a library and managed to survive the water damage.

Each painstaking book was now cataloged and for use. The mers could come into his cave and read in the shallows. Edd was never lonely, even if few talked to him, their interest little more than the educational. He liked, as a human might say, his job.

Edd brought himself up on a flat surface, squinting as he watched the faraway humans putter about and throw their balls and toys around on the beach front. Summer, as they called it, was Edd's favorite time of year.

However, he had a different reason for coming out now, when usually he would not venture far with so many loafers about. He dove back under the water, streaking towards another large pile of rocks. It was still secluded, but this particular spot sometimes gathered its own adventurous two-leggers. Edd made sure only his head was above the water, and circled until he could peek around the edge of the rock. Planting his fingers firmly on the the surface to make certain waves would not carry him away, he heaved himself upwards.

After a careful search he spotted the red-head almost immediately, releasing a dreamy sigh.

Remarkable.

He watched the toned male jump around with one of his friends, his face friendly and open as he teased the female of their species about one thing or another. Ever since that fateful night, when he had spoken to a human for the first time, he couldn'd stay away. He deep voice and mannerisms were so interesting to Edd, and he was so handsome!

…Save for those legs. Edd scowled at them. They were so gangly and strange!

For a moment, Kevin's gaze swept his way, peering at nothing in particular, and Edd back ducked under the water, his cheeks burning hot. What if he had seen him? It was unlikely that he remembered Edd, but the possibility was nothing to be trifled with. It could mean the end of all things good if their kind was found out. Which was why the mers would never know Edd frequented these waters.

Kevin and his friends began jogging in a pattern that Edd recognized in those that exercised regularly, but they seemed to be running for the sake of it, smiles on their faces. Edd wondered what it felt like to run. It certainly couldn't be more enjoyable than swimming in the deep sea, bodies streaking smoothly through water, weightless. Humans might correlate the feeling to flying.

Edd followed their path, diving deeply so as to attract no attention. With as much time as he had, there was little else to do during the warm months other than stalk those who shared a common ancestor with him (in theory). He faced the surface and reveled in the warmth of the sun on his pale skin. The darker mers were revered for their easy camouflage, but Edd liked the thought of looking like Kevin did. It was a connection between the two of them.

He surfaced and glanced around; save for Kevin and his group, there was no one around. They were already passing by where Edd rested under the surface.

He brought his arms to his front and then aimed for deeper, cooler waters, shooting forward like a rocket. When the chill of the ocean was beginning to bite slightly, he turned his body and shot towards the surface, using speed and momentum to help. He burst from the surface with a clean splash, body sailing up into the air. For a brief moment he felt truly weightless, the sun warm and soft on his chest, and then he was falling again.

Heading towards an uncomfortable belly flop, Edd jerked his body at a better angle and managed a large but safe splash.

—-

They were avoiding a couple of rocks and slowing down when it happened. Kevin stopped when he was out of breath, not exactly keen on going for a hard run when he was meant to be relaxing.

After glancing behind himself, he noted that something was in the water. Just a speck in the big blue. Then it disappeared under. Kevin continued to stare, wondering if it was a big fish or something; maybe they could try sea fishing sometime. Deep ocean fishing was supposed to be totally rad.

"Kevin! What's up? Too slow to keep up?"

Grinning, Kevin made to turn, but then noted that the thing broke the water again. Except it kept going, and then it was mid-air. Because he was pretty far off, it could have been mistaken for a dolphin possibly—but no. There was no way—

"Hold on, I gotta see something!"

Kevin started running in the opposite direction of his friends, ignoring their shouts as he headed for the water.

It was him! The weird fanatic. Except there was no way some guy in a suit could do that. No fucking way.

Could he?

The water chilled Kevin's skin; he felt goosebumps rise as the water quickly rose to waist level. He had his eyes locked on the figure, which disappeared far too quickly for his liking. Now that there was no longer proof which he could clearly see, he felt like he was going insane. He felt water lap at his chin and started swimming, diving under to try and see if he could spot the mer-whatever.

Something caught his eye. It was moving further away from him, getting smaller with each passing second.

_There_!

Kevin struggled to move, realizing he'd been under too long. Cursing the inevitability, he swam to the surface and then broke free, taking that first liberating breath. Unluckily, a wave crashed over him just as he did, shoving a mouthful of seawater down his throat. He went under, his heart still pounding. His throat constricting.

Kevin kicked a few times, trying desperately to get back to the surface; however the waves were really working at him. He rolled around, disoriented, throat stinging.

_Maybe this was a shitty idea._

It was too late for maybe's, though. Too late now that he was being yanked and thrown around, his head pounding, heart racing, thinking _oh god what if I die._ He'd been so _stupid_, focusing on something he thought he saw, something that he may have hallucinated one night and couldn't stop thinking about. It was like chasing that impossible dream that you knew would never come true, falling deeper when the despair of impossibility threatened to swallow you.

_Fuck_, thought Kevin, closing his eyes. He couldn't tell what was up and what was down, and trying to reach for anything in the emptiness, knowing it was futile as he came up short. Bubbles burst from his mouth as he took a useless gasp, desperate for air but only finding the ocean choking him.

This was it then. The end.

Then, with a starting suddenness, he felt arms heft him by his armpits, pulling him up; up, until he broke the surface of the water. Kevin gasped wildly, but instead of sweet air he found himself retching, vomiting every ounce of salty ocean water he had swallowed. It was only when he was finally finished that he could find air around his unstoppable coughing.

Kevin was grateful for arms that wrapped around his waist, because his limbs felt like the spaghetti his mom made.

Who the hell had saved him? Water lapped at his shoulders and only when he noticed the shoreline getting closer did he realize whoever it was, was pulling him towards it. How far had he gone? _Fuck, they must be pissed_.

He felt whoever it was stop moving and then he was held against something incredibly smooth; almost slimey. Kevin's eyes opened sluggishly and he tried to say something, but he ended up coughing and panting.

Soft hands smoothed over his forehead, brushing wet strands out of the way. He struggled to open his eyes, but it felt easier to go with the flow, so to speak. He moaned, trying to lean against his savior.

Instead he was place shallow waters. Kevin, feeling weak as a kitten, couldn't find it in him to protest as he sank into the warm sand. They must've been on some small island.

"Who are you?" He asked when he turned over to face them. A green-eyed gaze tooth-gapped smile met him.

"I'm not hallucinating am I?"

The merman—jeez, there was his tail, shining brilliantly under the sun—smoothed his hands over his hair, which stood on all ends. A long scar covered the left half of his skull, which he covered self-consciously.

"Unless sea water is a hallucinogen, then no," the merman answered. He sounded just like Kevin remembered. Closing his eyes to make sure this was real, Kevin counted to ten and opened them slowly.

"That's good. So I'm pretty sure you can't swim that well in that—" he pointed to the tail that twitched effortlessly on the sand. "—if it's fake. Call me crazy, but you're... are mermaids real?" His throat felt raw. "And you saved my life." He wanted to close his eyes and maybe rest a little, but thought that maybe the boy would disappear if he did.

Edd looked disconcerted, like he'd hoped Kevin wouldn't figure that out. "Oh! Why were you in the water in the first place?! Certainly you could see the how high the waves were and yet you still ventured into the sea!"

Had they been that bad? He hadn't noticed. He'd been so intent on seeing this guy. "I saw you," he croaked. "I remembered you and I saw you. I wanted to see if you were real."

The merman's face contorted briefly and then settled on a strange expression, turning very red. "W-why I should—"

He stopped and his sharp gaze landed over Kevin's shoulder.. "Your friends," he said softly. "They're on their way in a boat."

"Yeah?" It was funny how nonchalant Kevin sounded. "I knew those guys cared." He chuckled.

By contrast, the kid looked sad. He was worrying his lower lip and smoothed his hands down the shimmering scales that covered his tail.

_Human fingers. Mermaid tail. What the flying fuck_.

It seemed that the epiphany hit him just as the mer thrust him towards the water.

"I must go. It was intriguing to finally talk to a human again." He seemed to come to some conclusion. "Oh! And please don't tell anyone we exist. Thank you."

"Wait, wha? Where are you going—"

But the mer slipped into the water, his tail brush Kevin as he did. Kevin reached out and felt it slide against his hand, and then he was gone. He stared at his hand, willing himself to wake up if this was a dream. It sure felt like it.

Voices were calling his name, particularly shrill in Nazz's mouth. He felt dizzy.

"Kevin!"

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You know the drill.


End file.
